Unlike my previous two posts, this one is not trying to explain or uplift. It is simply stating what I observe. And it is negative.

Used Wagon Instead of a Dragon

As a child I was excited every day. Everytime I was going outside, it was an adventure. My fantasy was bright like the sun shining. I was not really concerned with other people, except my few but dear friends. I would go outside alone or with them. Anyways I was guaranteed to have a good time.

All I needed was my fantasy to simply select whatever thought, or better yet challenge, would excite me now. Making a bow sounds nice. Sure let’s start right away!

I was a curious child and a dreamy one. Things like dragons or dinosaurs fascinated me a lot! I could feel how this earth was a shared space, that many beings shared and still share over time. I felt like being a part of something beautiful. Something as excited and curious as me.

I mean how could you create fifteen meter tall lizards that run on two legs without some absolutely bright fantasy and sense of excitement, right?

Back then I couldn’t wait to be grown up. I thought about all the freedoms and possibilities. I wondered how I would develop with all those years of experience; how my skills sharpened. If as a child I could climb a tall tree swiftly, how good would I be as a strong and tall adult?

Little did I know that my mind today is occupied with things like selling that used car I just bought, because I’m afraid that the person who sold it to me, screwed me and I don’t know it yet.

Honestly, I can’t believe that I’m wasting my energy on something so unexciting as a car. But here I am. It’s not that I want to, but that I have to. I got caught up. I find myself completely entangled in a life I never wanted to and still don’t want to live.

Protection Instead of Connection

Strangers were nasty back then and they are now. But it didn’t used to get under my skin like it sometimes can today. I simply told my friends and we used to make jokes about them. They are here right now? Better so! Let them listen and get laughed at.

I felt that my friendships were about the connection and feelings. It was pure. Sure, not perfect or ideal. And it came with a lot of childish issues, but solving these issues would just end up being funny and rewarding.

I knew my friends, and they knew me. I knew their mind and they knew mine. And that was fine. No hiding, no secret plots and selfish agendas. No hostility and backstabbing. One was there for one another and together time was flying away! Pure bliss.

Of course that was not lasting. As the world turned around we all got pulled into different responsibilities. Many got violently pressed into a mold of a good school student. The grades had to be good, a career had to be prepared. Time to play is over! Study musical notes that you hate with the deepest part of your heart. Sure, some learning is necessary, but I personally doubt the methods and subjects.

This left a lasting mark on the people I knew. You could see over the years how their smile and excitement faded away. Until one day you meet them and it feels like you’re talking to a robot. “Hey, how are you?” “Fine and you?” “Fine as well, long time no see…” and so on. You know the drill. It is like they slowly died off and what was left was the robot, that was trained in school and at home by the parents and homework.

Many had bad experiences and closed themselves to strangers. I don’t want to say that I was holy, I sure was not, but schools should have invested a great amount of time into teaching kids why and how to be nice and social. Instead we got bad grades for antisocial behavior. Yes, in the country I grew up in, you actually had a grade called “social behavior”, but they never ever bothered to explain why it is so important to be kind to each other. Not fake, not selfless, but just respectful.

I feel like over the years people generally shaped themselves into something I want to have no business with. This is one of the reasons as to why I have no friends anymore today.

Wickery and Trickery

And this is not even replacing anything. As a child there was no concern with being squeezed out of money at every single step you make. That sure happened, but it was a rare occasion, where I grew up most people were quite nice to kids – nicer than I am, sadly – and would not scam them.

Unfortunately I witness scams and schemes on every corner. Interestingly, here, it is mostly large-scale companies abusing power positions and monopolies to extort money from those who have the least – how nice is that!

Basically it’s the inverted Robin Hood scheme. Some say they are robbing the hood. Ironic, I know.

The issue with that is, that it is completely legal to do so. Worse yet, if you become a victim and refuse to give in, you will get punished severely. No sympathy at all in court. Your attorney who was supposed to fight for you? Is looking quite bored into his documents or Ipad, waiting to be free from work. And why would he fight? His money has been secured by your signature or pre-payment – and you can’t do a thing about it. You have been scammed by the person you hired to help you against being scammed prior. And don’t you think about going against your attorney! Watch him bundle a motivation unwitnissed until this point to beat you! Because that is personal for him.

Of course that is not always the case, but I have personally been there a few times and I have seen it with others too. I recognize a pattern here.

Surely, if you live in another financial sphere, things look different. The attorneys are and work different. The business model is different as well. They rely on good reputation and recommendation only to get clients in those spheres. If they don’t work well, they run out of the good-paying business and will have to rely on poor people. So they work hard and for real to win your case.

Looking Ahead

These were just three aspects of why I resent my current and reminisce over my early life.

Unfortunately there’s much more!

If you feel the same, what is it for you? Feel free to comment, I read and reply to everthing!